How to Ruin a Summer Vacation Read online

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  "Take your shirt off," Doo-Doo suggests.

  Moron pulls his shirt over his head, then raises his eyebrows. "Be gentle with me, girls," he teases.

  "Keep your pants on," Ofra jokes and everyone, including me, laughs.

  Snotty makes the first stripe down the middle of Morons head as he squints his eyes shut.

  Odead takes a picture just as Snotty finishes one line. Then Ofra takes the razor and makes another stripe. Theyre all having a good time. Even, dare I admit it, me.

  "Give Amy a turn," Doo-Doo suggests, then gives me a little push of encouragement.

  I shake my head. "Im not great with a razor," I say. Especially electric ones next to peoples scalps.

  Ofra and Snotty finish shaving Morons head. Theyre having fun making designs with his hair as they do the job.

  After theyre done, Odead stands next to Moron. "Weve been friends since we were three, and I know how scared you are of the dark. " Odead pulls out a small flashlight. "So now, when they stick you in the Negev desert, you wont have anything to fear. "

  "Except the deadly snakes," Doo-Doo chimes in, making everyone laugh again.

  "As long as I have females in my unit," Moron says, "I wont need any light, if you know what I mean. "

  "Which brings me to my gift," Doo-Doo says, then pulls out a small, pink, stuffed teddy bear. "This is for you to sleep with when youre alone at night and need something to hug. "

  "Our piece of advice is . . . when you sleep with your gun, make sure the safety is on. "

  Moron nods his head. "Great advice, guys. "

  "Now its Amys turn," Ofra says.

  I look over at Snotty. The girl wont even acknowledge me. Then I turn to Ofra. "Go ahead," she says, urging me with her hand to get up.

  Tentatively, I walk over to Moron and hold out a piece of material. "Its a bandana," I explain. "With a peace sign on it. "

  He takes the material from my hand and studies it. "Todah, thank you. "

  "They told me I should give you a piece of advice, too," I say. Then I clear my throat. Everyone is looking at me, even Snotty. And it makes me feel all sweaty inside. Talk about pressure.

  "My piece of advice is . . . "

  I swear, I had something to say, but forgot it. Im on the spot here and my mind draws a blank. Shit. I look at the horizon, where the sun is falling into the water. The first thing that comes into my mind and out of my mouth is, "dont swim on a full stomach. "

  Oh my God. I cant believe I just said that. The guy is going to the desert for basic training. What are the chances that hes going to be swimming in the middle of the desert during military training?

  My advice is met with silence.

  "That was very . . . deep, Amy," Snotty says, clearly making fun of me.

  I hear Doo-Doo ask Odead, "Is she joking?"

  If I knew how to get back to the moshav, Id run there right now without turning back. But I cant, so I sit back down and try and shrink as much as I can into the sand.

  "Well, I guess I should say something," Moron says, then stands. "Thank you for this great party, the gifts, and advice. Your friendship means a lot to me. Now, I know youre supposed to throw me into the Kineret, but you better not even try it. "

  "You have to get wet," Avi says matter-of-factly, gesturing toward the lake.

  Doo-Doo and Odead are ready to back Avi as he chases Moron around the beach.

  Im shocked when they tackle him and throw him into the water, making a huge splash. Moron is soaking wet, but hes not pissed. I would be if my friends tossed me, clothes and all, into a lake. But hes laughing right along with the rest of them.

  Ofra goes to help Moron out of the water, until he grabs her arm and pulls her in with him.

  Snotty joins the group. I watch as she puts her arms around Avi, and they both splash in the water together.

  Hel-lo. Dont these people know its usually the custom to swim with bathing suits, not fully clothed? Of course Im not jealous theyre in the water, laughing and having fun. I am absolutely content to stand here all alone.

  "Amy, join us!" Moron calls out to me.

  "Yeah," Ofra says. "The waters great. "

  Im a land person, and dont particularly love water. "No, thanks," I say.

  The first one out of the lake is my cousin. She stands straight in front of the bonfire, warming herself. I try to avoid making eye contact with her--Im afraid if I do my mouth might get me in trouble.

  But maybe I should try, like Ron said, to get to know her. Even though shes been rude, it could be because she doesnt know what a great and fun person I am. I guess I really havent given her much of a chance. Ill attempt to soften her up a bit first. "Osnat, I really enjoyed meeting your friends," I say, thinking of how Ron said her name is spelled.

  I swear, I deserve a medal for being so nice. Shes probably going to say how much shes glad I opened up the lines of communication. Maybe by the end of the summer shell be like the sister I never had.

  My wayward thoughts are squashed as I watch her turn to me with a toss of her hair and say, "Just remember, Amy. Theyre my friends, not yours. "

  And just like that she goes back to being Snotty.

  CHAPTER 10

  Sometimes we have to prove to others were strong even when were not.

  Ive been in Israel for three weeks now.

  Thankfully, Im able to avoid Snotty and Avi. That means Im spending a lot of time in the house with Safta, which is just fine with me.

  She relayed stories about when she was a kid here in Israel and more about my grandfather, who died before I was born. She also told me about her parents, who escaped from Germany during World War II. Learning about my extended family has opened my eyes to another world.

  As I wake up one morning to Rons cheery, "Rise and shine, sleepyhead," I just want to go back to sleep.

  What time is it anyway?

  SDs words are buzzing around in my head like one of those bees that wouldnt leave me alone. I glance at my watch.

  "Six thirty!" I say with a groggy voice. "Please have a very good reason why youre waking me before the sun shines through that window. "

  Now I know Im being crabby, but Im just not a morning person. Never have been, never will be. In my opinion, six thirty isnt even morning; its still the middle of the night.

  "Amy, weve been here a while now and Ive left you alone. If you keep sleeping all day, youll never get over your jet lag. Besides, work needs to be done around here and everyone pitches in. I want you to at least act like youre my daughter and help out. "

  I sit up and say, "Listen, Im still tired and cranky. Just come back in, lets say, a couple of hours and we can discuss whatever you want. "

  "Youre always tired and cranky and you need to get out of bed so Yucky can wash the sheets. Theres probably mushrooms growing on them. "

  "Very funny. "

  "Ive promised to help your uncle sell some of the sheep these next few weeks. After that, I want to show you my country. "

  "Yeah, lets do that. In a couple of weeks," I say just so hell leave me alone.

  I lie back down and pull the covers over my head. A little more sleep is what I need, not to work on my summer vacation or go sightsee. Ill have to convince the

  Sperm Donor just because I happen to be on this stupid trip doesnt mean I have to do anything on it.

  I let out a breath when I hear him leave the room. Looking over at Snottys bed, I see its empty. Shes probably over at Avis house.

  Not that Im jealous, cause Im not. I just dont know why hes friends with her. She might be pretty, but shes mean.

  Or maybe shes just mean to me. Which makes me hate her even more.

  I close my eyes and try to think about good things, like going back home.

  Nothing really makes me happy now. Is that what being sixteen is all about? If so, I can understand why teenagers express themselves in so many different ways. Its not as if were stupid, were just tr
ying to figure out where we fit.

  Me? I dont seem to fit anywhere these days. Im like a square peg trying to fit into a round society. Now that I think about it more, Im not square or round. More like an octagon. And I dont fit anywhere now. I thought I did, but my nice, super-dictated world has complicated all that. I wonder how Mitch is doing without me. Does he miss me?

  I fall asleep again and when I wake up my stomach growls so I head to the kitchen. Everyone is gone and the house is quiet.

  I glance over at Sofia, whos sitting in a velour chair reading some book.

  "Boker tov, Amy," she says in this dignified voice as I reach into the refrigerator and scan the contents.

  "Im sorry," I say. "I dont know what that means. "

  I finally learned shalom means three things: hello, goodbye, and peace. My Hebrew knowledge is pathetic, at best.

  "Boker tov means good morning. "

  "Oh. Boker tov to you, too. "

  Gram seems a little quiet this morning. Ill sit with her and chitchat while I eat breakfast, maybe thatll cheer her up. In fact, Ill prepare something special for her.

  As I arrange a plate of fruit, I take my time and cut little pieces of banana and melon in these shapes Jessicas mom taught me. Jessica calls things people rave about "crowd pleasers. " Little cut-up fruit in the shape of a clown face is a definite crowd pleaser.

  I set the plate down in front of her on a side table. "Todah" she says.

  "Youre welcome. " I look down at my masterpiece. "Its a clown face. "

  "Very creative. Do you like cooking?"

  "Not really. Eating I like. We go to restaurants mostly back home. "

  "Your father doesnt cook for you?"

  I know what youre thinking. This is a great opportunity for me to tell Sofia how it really is back home. But as I look at the old ladys glowing blue eyes I feel protective of her. As much as Id like my gram to be ashamed of the Sperm Donor, I just cant make myself upset her.

  "Well, every Friday he makes this great lasagna," I say, my mouth moving without my brain thinking too long about it. "And his chicken picatta is out of this world. He even bakes blueberry muffins for me on Sunday mornings. "

  The of lady has this little twinkle in her eye that I cant decipher.

  "Chicken picatta, huh?" she says.

  Oh, shit. Shes onto me. I probably should have left out the muffins or made it BBQ chicken instead of picatta. But Im stickin with my story for better or worse.

  "Yep. Im sure if you ask him hell make you some," I say as I look down at my feet and notice my toenail polish is chipped.

  I hear the door open and Doda Yucky comes floating into the house. "Amy, Safta is starting her chemotherapy treatment in an hour," she says. We both help my grandma up. "Everyone is with the sheeps," Doda Yucky says. "Theyre waiting for you. "

  I am bowled over by a terrible sense of worry about Safta. Chemotherapy? Oh no . . . that means cancer.

  "Can I go with you?" I ask. "I can read to you if youd like. "

  Safta pats the back of my hand lightly. "Dont worry, Ill be fine. Go with the young people and enjoy your stay here. You dont want to be hanging around a hospital all day. Okay?"

  "Okay. "

  I want to go with her, to make sure the doctors know shes my Safta and she needs the best care possible. Do they know how important she is?